Bullying - Don't
Stand For It
Most people are touched by it some time – being bullied
yourself, knowing someone it's happening to, or perhaps
doing it to someone else. But people being bullied often
don't tell anyone because of fear, shame and not knowing
what to do or who to turn to.
This factsheet is packed with info that can help – check
the FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) about bullying, plus
the list of Contacts for places that can offer support.
Remember, it may feel like you're alone, but there's a lot
of people who've been through similar bad experiences and
a lot who want to help, too.
Don't put up with bullying – you deserve better.
FAQs About Bullying
What Is Bullying?
Bullying can happen in lots of ways, from actual physical
violence to threats of violence to verbal attacks. Or it
can be a mixture of these.
Here are some examples of bullying aimed at young people:)
*name-calling, picking on something personal (your looks,
your brains, whatever)
*constant sarcasm or 'games' – for example, like repeating
everything you say
*insults about your family or friends
*grabbing your possessions – bag, Walkman etc. – and throwing
them round, looking through them, damaging them, mocking
them
*blackmail (saying if you don't do certain things, like
give them your money, they'll do something bad to you)
*spreading rumours about you
*ignoring you or leaving you out on purpose
*pushing, shoving or grabbing your body or clothes
*hitting, punching, pulling your hair, kicking you etc.
*threatening you – threatening to physically attack or do
other things to you
*insulting or attacking you because of your colour, race
or religion
*insulting or attacking you because you're gay or bisexual
There are other variations, but they all use power and fear
to make the person being bullied feel bad and give in.
Isn't It Just Part Of Growing Up?
Everyone gets ratty sometimes and snaps at people, even
at their friends, and that's a normal part of being a human.
But bullying is different from that. It's picking on someone,
doing it on purpose, wanting to hurt the person, trying
to use power and intimidation to make them feel bad. It's
picking on someone who can't easily defend themselves. At
times, somebody (perhaps an adult) may tell you it's just
part of growing up and that it will make you a stronger
person, but actual bullying is not all right and nobody deserves
to be treated like this.
Only Weak People Get Picked On…
No - it's the bully who's acting weak, not the person they're
bullying. Loads of different people become victims of bullying
sometime in their lives. A massive variety, including people
who go on to be mega-famous. Some of these are mentioned
on the web sites listed below. Often, one bully targets
more than one person to intimidate, so it might not just
be you.
Remember, the bully chooses victims, not the other way round.
Who Does The Bullying?
Bullying is often a gang picking on one person, but not
always. It may be one on one. It may be a group on another
group. It can even be one person bullying two or more other
people. This may sound unlikely if it's never happened to
you, but sometimes one person can have a lot of negative
power. The bully may be a classmate, someone else in the
school, or someone outside school (possibly an adult). It
may be someone at home – see also our separate factsheet
on
Trouble At Home.
How Does Someone Feel When They're Bullied?
If you've been bullied you'll know how bad it can feel.
You're scared – terrified, maybe. You can be jumpy and nervous.
Perhaps unable to concentrate because it's on your mind
all the time, which can mean studying etc. is hard to get
down to.
Some people try to stay off school if it's happening
there so your studies suffer and you feel isolated. You
may feel miserable, like crying, or you may go off your
food. You may get stomach aches or not sleep properly. Being
bullied is a stressful experience. Often the waiting for
it to happen again can be as stressful as the actual attacks.
You may feel depressed, moody or irritable. It can really
bash your self-confidence, which is something the bully
wants to happen. Some people feel like it's their fault
or that there must be something wrong with them to make
the bully treat them so badly. This is never true – however
much the person bullying tries to tell you it is.
You may
also feel you're being weak – that's not true either: it's
the bully who's being weak and you're going through a rough
time because of them. Feeling ashamed or scared can mean
you don't want to tell people what you're going through,
and a lot of people hide what's happening to them, which
is usually what the bully wants.
If It's Not Physical I Should Be Able To Deal With It…
Bullying that doesn't include physical violence can sometimes
be as hard to deal with as being punched or kicked, so if
this is happening to you, you don't have to suffer in silence.
You're not being weak by feeling bad - someone might say
you 'shouldn't let it get to you', but you don't have to
put up with misery just because you've got no cuts or bruises
to show.
Why Do People Bully?
People bully for a mixture of reasons, sometimes not being
clear themselves what the reasons are. Here are a few possible
ones:
*feeling angry or hurt about stuff and not being able to
express it in useful ways
*being scared – thinking if you attack first and make people
scared of you, you won't be attacked
*not being self-confident – covering this with bullying
*not knowing how to make equal friendships - instead using
bullying to feel more powerful, look hard and get attention
*feeling you've not got control in your life so trying to
control someone else with fear
*not liking yourself and taking it out on other people,
perhaps sometimes people you're envious of in some way
*maybe getting bullied yourself – by an adult, an older
brother or sister etc.
*not accepting that it's wrong to hurt people just because
you want to
*not realising how awful you're making your victim feel
Sometimes a person gets stuck in the habit of bullying.
They may have a hard reputation; people may be scared of
them. They perhaps don't want to stop bullying because they're
worried they'll be nothing; they don't know how else to
fit in.
Why Should I Stop Bullying?
Making someone else go through hell just because you've
got problems is not acceptable. Even if you're angry or
hurt yourself, or someone else is bullying you, your behaviour
is your responsibility and you need to do something about
it. You can change how you behave, even if it takes a while
of trying. It's also true that you'll be happier if you're
not bullying. You'll discover better sides to yourself.
People may do what bullies say, but they don't like them.
It's a lonely way of life.
How Can I Stop Being A Bully?
Some people may stop on their own, but often you need encouragement.
You may also want to talk through your reasons for doing
it. You can try Childline or Careline (see details in Contacts
list below). Or you could decide to tell an adult at home
or school, if you trust them to respond well and help you
tackle the problem.
I'm Being Bullied But I Don't Dare Tell Anyone…
Bullies count on their victim being too scared to do anything
about it in case of what might happen. But if you are being
bullied, there are things you can do and places you can contact
for support, even before you decide to tell an adult you
know. The person bullying you probably wants you to suffer
in silence but it doesn't have to be like that. You can
contact the groups below for advice without telling them
your name if you want. They can help you find ways of tackling
the situation.
What Else Can I Do?
Anything but suffer in silence…
*one of the main things is telling someone and getting advice
and support
*you could tell a teacher, youth worker, parent or guardian
or another relative – someone you trust
*if it's happening at school (or on the way there or home),
your school should already have anti-bullying guidelines.
You can ask the teacher/head to explain and use these. If
the school's guidelines are not sorted, go on to the helplines
below
*it can be useful to write down each bullying incident that
happens - what happens and when – like a diary. This can
help you explain it, and can make it harder for the bully
to deny. (Don't tell them you're doing this.)
*contact one of the organisations listed below
*keep reminding yourself you're not to blame – it's the
person bullying you that's causing these problems
It's a good idea to tell an adult what's happening. Be aware,
though, that they may try to take over. Their intentions
will be good, but you need to be involved in the decisions.
Don't feel that you have to agree to everything they suggest,
and try and tell them how you see things.
My Mate's Being Bullied…What Can I Do?
If your mate (or even someone you don't know that well)
is being bullied, you can help in several ways:
*really listen to them but try not to scream and shout –
you're angry for them but they need calm support and practical
advice
*believe what they're telling you and be realistic. Like
don't say 'It can't be that bad' or 'Just punch them in
the teeth next time' – you're trying to help but it could
make them feel more inadequate
*try and be understanding if they're moody – the stress
of being bullied can make it hard to keep in a good mood
*be wary of having a go at the bully – it might not be safe
for you (or your mate) and there could be better methods
*offer to go with them to tell an adult – a bit of moral
support can make it a lot easier
*tell them about the organisations listed below – look at
the web sites with them and offer to make the first contact
if they're too nervous
*reassure your mate that it's no way their fault
*encourage them to tell someone
*possibly tell an adult yourself if your mate isn't telling
anyone and you're worried, but try and tell them first you're
going to do this
*if it's connected with school, use the school's anti-bullying
procedures. If the school's not hot on these, contact the
helplines instead (see list below)
So Where Can I Get Advice?
If you're a victim of bullying, or a mate of yours is, the
organisations below can advise you on possible ways of dealing
with the situation. You can also get advice if you're doing
the bullying – try Childline (you don't have to give your
name).
CONTACTS
Numbers beginning 0800 are always free. Some other nos.
may be cheap rate – for example, nos. starting 0845 are
usually charged at local rate instead of national rates,
wherever you're calling from in the UK. Other calls are
charged at normal rates.
Remember, if phone calls are not free, they will be listed
on the phone bill, so if you don't want anyone to know,
try to ring from a pay-phone. Most freephone (0800) calls
are not free if you're calling from a mobile.
Most helplines will never ring you back or contact other
organisations with your details unless you want them to.
If you're at all worried that they might, you can ask them
about this when you first speak to them. You do not have
to give your name etc. to a helpline.
Anti-Bullying Campaign
Tel. 020 7378 1446
(normal phone rates – will show up on the phone bill)
Kidscape
www.kidscape.org.uk
>>
- this web site has info on bullying, how it affects young
people, advice for parents too, and contact numbers you
can also e-mail them:
contact@kidscape.org.uk
or write
Kidscape
2 Grosvenor Gardens
London SW1W 0DH
Childline (any type of problem)
www.childline.org.uk
>>
or phone the helpline:
0800 1111 (24-hour, free)
or write (no stamp needed):
Freepost 1111
London N1 0BR
Careline
Tel. 020 8514 1177
- info/advice on any type of problem
National Child Protection Helpline
(run by the NSPCC, the National Society for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Children)
0800 800500 (24-hour, free)
- this is both for young people and for adults who are worried
about a young person being ill-treated
There's a BBC Educationbooklet with advice on bullying but
you need to send a cheque for £2.50, so if you are able
to ask your parents/carer, get them to send the payment
to:
BBC Education
PO Box 7
London
W12 8UD
Also, if you're feeling very down and need to talk immediately
and anonymously:
The Samaritans
0845 909090 (24-hour)
or check their web site
www.samaritans.org.uk
>>
or write to them:
PO Box 90 90
Slough SL1 1UU
Nobody should be bullied…
…and you don't have to hide it if it's happening to you.
Or maybe it happened in the past and still bothers you and
you want to talk about it. You deserve not to be bullied.
There's support out there, and once you've made the first
move you'll be on the way to resolving the situation. It's
not wrong to tell someone – it's the bullying that's wrong.
You don't have to protect the bully – you need to protect
you.
