Trouble At Home
Most people have hassle at home some time or other - arguments,
not getting on, wanting to do things your parent(s)/carer
won't let you do, not wanting to do what they say you have
to, grief from brothers and sisters, feeling like everyone's
against you, etc. etc.
It's part of growing up and asserting yourself more, wanting
to be your own person and not just do what you're told.
It's also part of all the chemical changes in your body,
which can make you edgy or up and down at times. And it's
part of just of sharing a space with other human beings,
family or not, which can be difficult for most people.
There are ways of dealing with some situations that can
make the whole thing a bit smoother. Like counting to ten
before you yell, doing the chores before you're screamed
at, whatever. There are general pieces of advice that can
work.
But it depends on so many details -
like how old everyone is, how many people there are in the
household…
whether you've always been together or whether there are
step-rellies, foster-rellies, adoptive ones…
whether there's been a change of circumstances recently…
whether you've got open relationships and can talk about
stuff or whether there's a lot of distance…
whether you're sharing a bedroom, how many generations there
are together…
whether you've got pals or family in the area…
how things are going outside, like at school, and how stressed
everyone is… etc. etc.
This mega-mix of possible circumstances means there's no
point trying to give general lines on how to improve things
at home, because you probably wouldn't find a useful enough
match.
However, there are a couple of basic essentials:
*if you're having hassles and it's getting too much, try
talking to someone. Try your mates first. If you can't talk
to friends, rellies or other adults you know, there are
experienced people and groups that can offer support, info
and a handy ear - check out the Contacts below. You don't
have to tell them your name if you don't want to. It can
help a lot to talk things over with someone outside the
situation, so if you're feeling down and alone, give them
a call.
*if you're putting up with bad treatment from someone, if
someone is hurting you, you don't have to keep quiet. Even
if that person says you mustn't tell anyone, it's not wrong
to tell someone what's happening. You deserve to be safe
and cared for, and not feel guilty or scared.
What's 'Abuse'?
Abuse, or abusing someone, is hurting someone on purpose,
or doing things to them that hurt them in some way.
As a young person, you should be able to feel safe and looked
after at home and outside. Unfortunately, sometimes a young
person is abused by an adult (or another young person).
It could be someone they know well, or someone they don't
know well, or possibly a stranger. It could happen once
or more than once. It might be confusing - they might not
even be sure whether they have been abused or whether the
situation is 'normal'.
You will hear people talk about different types of abuse:
*physical abuse - hitting, kicking, shaking and other painful
actions that can hurt or injure you
*sexual abuse - this is physical too, but it's if someone
persuades or makes you do something sexual with them, or
with them there
*emotional abuse - when adults in your life never or hardly
ever give you love or approval or encouragement. Also, they
might criticise you constantly or yell at you all the time
or tell you they don't want you around, etc.
*neglect - this is if the adults who should be looking after
you don't give you enough food, shelter, clothing, protection
etc.
If you're feeling bad and hurt, it's better to talk to someone
than to keep silent - the groups listed below would always
rather you contacted them than not, even if you're just
going through a bad patch at home.
Sometimes it can be hard to be sure whether you are being
abused. If you're down or depressed, it's possible sometimes
to feel hated or neglected when in fact your parent/carer/family/whoever
do love you.
BUT, it might be that you are being abused - so don't ignore
your own feelings. If you contact one of the helplines below,
they can help you work out what's happening. They will listen,
and give you the chance to talk and ask advice about your
situation. You can say how you feel and what you want to
happen or not happen. They are experienced in responding
to young people in situations similar to yours. You don't
have to tell them your name - you can still get support
from them.
See also the separate Factsheet on Bullying - it could be
useful for your situation or a friend's.
Don't suffer in silence. If it's stuff that you think can
be sorted out by talking to your mates/family/teachers etc.,
it's good to try that.
If that doesn't solve the probs, or if it's something more
frightening or confusing, don't hesitate to call one of
the numbers below. You deserve to be safe, cared for and
told how fab you are. If someone's hurting you, it is not
your fault.
If you think a friend is suffering, you could suggest these
contacts for them.
CONTACTS
Numbers beginning 0800 are always free. Some other nos.
may be cheap rate - for example, nos. starting 0845 are
usually charged at local rate instead of national rates,
wherever you're calling from in the UK. Other calls are
charged at normal rates.
You can ask a helpline to ring you back if it's too expensive.
Remember, if phone calls are not free, they will be listed
on the phone bill, so if you don't want anyone to know,
try to ring from a pay-phone. Most freephone (0800) calls
are not free if you're calling from a mobile.
Most helplines will never ring you back or contact other
organisations with your details unless you want them to.
If you're at all worried that they might, you can ask them
about this when you first speak to them. You do not have
to give your name etc. to a helpline.
Childline
(any type of problem)
www.childline.org.uk >>
or phone the helpline:
0800 1111 (24-hour, free)
or write (no stamp needed):
Freepost 1111
London N1 0BR
Careline
Tel. 020 8514 1177
(info/advice on any type of problem)
National Child Protection Helpline
(run by the NSPCC, the National Society for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Children)
0800 800500 (24-hour, free)
this is both for young people and for adults who are worried
about a young person being ill-treated
Also, if you're feeling very down and need to talk immediately
and anonymously:
The Samaritans
0845 909090 (24-hour)
or check their web site
www.samaritans.org.uk >>
or write to them:
PO Box 90 90
Slough SL1 1UU
